I had this weird, weird feeling when I woke up yesterday.
I had no bus tickets that I had to book. I had no hostels that I had to research. I had no knives that I had to collect. I had no bus stations that I had to look for. I had a day... just to enjoy Sanya.
I almost didn't know what to do with myself.
So I get showered. And I get shaved. I even wash my only pair of jeans because this might be the last time that I'm in shorts weather until Vietnam.
And then I get my stuff together. And I catch the lift down to the ground floor of this appartment block. And I leave the building.
For once in Sanya, the sun is actually shining. And it really makes this bridge going across the river outside my hostel look really pretty.
So I pull out my camera from my pocket. And I take a photo of it. And...
"DCF Full Error."
DCF full error. What the fuck is DCF full error?
I play around with my camera for a while. But nothing that I try is ridding this error message from the screen. And what I basically conclude, is that seeing this photo of the bridge that I just took, is photo number 9999, that my camera has run out of numbers.
It's not letting me take any more photos. It can't take a number 10,000 photo. And I try everything to make it. But basically, I run out of options to try, that won't wipe my memory card of all the photos stored on there. Which includes Kunming, Nanning, Haikou and Sanya photos.
I'm near the hostel still. So on this, the day that I'm finally... finally able to get out into Sanya. The day that I'm finally able to get to the beach. That I'm finally able to see the ocean...
I'm back in the hostel again on my laptop.
What is your fucking problem China? Why are you so determined to make Sanya this huge, huge trial. What the Hell did I ever do to you?
Apart from racially insult your people for the past three months, and criticise your existence, what did I ever do to you?
We can let bygones be bygones can't we?
Well apparently no, we can't. China has just decided, that Sanya is going to be shit.
Moving the photos onto my laptop, fixing this error on my camera, it took a while. So now I have about half a day to enjoy Sanya today.
Great. Thanks for that.
You won't break me China, you do know that don't you?
No amount of knife stealing. No amount of trips to Haikou. No amount of camera errors. No amount of delayed boats. Not this time.
No, I'm choosing to look at the positive things now. And you made a fatal error is breaking my camera when I was still only two-minutes from the hostel. You should have done it when I'd walked three miles to get to the beach. Then it would have really got to me.
But for however much it bothered me that the start of this day (and by start, I mean about midday. I hadn't exactly got out of bed early) was spent sat in the hostel on my laptop, I'm choosing to look at the positive.
At least I was near enough to the hostel that I could get back onto my laptop.
And all you're doing China, is building up my resolve. I should be thanking you really.
Do you know how easy it's going to be for me to travel the rest of the world after dealing with all the bullshit that you're throwing at me?
And am I still here? Am I still standing?
And if you can't break me, no one can.
Finally... finally, three days after first arriving here, to this beach town. After an inadvertent trip to Haikou. After countless hours spent sat on my laptop. Finally, I make it to the fucking beach!
It's a bit shit really to be honest.
Why does it always take me until I'm sat there in the sand, listening to the sound of the ocean, to remember that I don't like the fucking beach.
Why can it never happen, before I travel hundreds of miles to get there?
They're crowded. They're hot. People incessantly try and sell you crap. You get sand in your ass.
I always like the beach for about three minutes. And then I remember that it's shit, and I'm like, "why the Hell did I just come all this way to come to a fucking beach?"
Miami I can just about make peace with. Because in Miami there's just a never-ending crowd of stunning girls in bikinis to perv on. But even there, I eventually get bored and would rather sit inside by myself where there's shade and peace and quiet and air-conditioning.
Here, was like a really, really shit Miami.
Fort Lauderdale if you will.
There are no beautiful girls here. They're all ugly. And the ones that are nice to look at, you soon realise are Russian. And Russian girls just get uglier the more they speak because they're all such stuck-up bitches. So I'd just rather not give them the satisfaction of knowing that I'm perving on them.
And... Chinese girls are stunningly hot. All over China, the girls in this country are just absolutely beautiful.
I've given my theory on this before. It's because there's no obese people in China.
Therefore, anyone in this country who genetically can be hot, is hot. And there's a lot of people in this country who genetically can be hot.
In America on the other hand, where 99% of the population is clinically obese, only 1% of people with the genetic potential to be hot, are hot. The rest are all too fat.
And of course, Americans have shit genetics to start off with. Because when England invented America, they just sent over all the people that they didn't want to be in England anymore. The genetically inferior people. Which is why Americans have evolved to all be so dumb.
So there are a lot... a lot of beautiful girls in China.
None of them give me the time of day obviously. But that's more of a universal thing than a Chinese thing.
That's ok. I've made peace with it.
In Sanya though... it's literally like they've taken all the scabby and trampy girls in China, and put them here.
Even though this is the only place in China where they don't adhere to the traditional dress of keeping their bodies covered, and you do actually see Chinese girls in bikinis in Sanya... I'd rather not to be honest. They're all fucking butt-ugly.
So... if there's nothing nice to look at. It's too fucking hot to not be sat in the shade. This beach is crowded with all the ugly and Russian people. What the fuck am I doing here?
I'm not, that's what. I left again.
Why does it always take me until I get there, to realise that I don't like the beach. It's such a shit place to go.
If I had kids or a dog maybe. Because they're all so simple that they can be entertained by sand and water for hours. But for a fully developed human being, have we not evolved beyond that yet? We really still get entertained by sand and water.
Playstation 3 people. Playstation 3. That's entertainment. Not sand. Fuck sand.
So I walked three miles back to the hostel again.
Maybe if I'd been here on a lads drinking holiday, and we'd got a hostel/hotel right by the beach, then maybe it'd be alright. But for me, by myself, sobre... not so much.
This morning I was doing the few chores that I had remaining before I leave for Guilin tomorrow.
Buying food for the journey, printing off maps/directions to my hostel in Yangshuo etc. And seeing as my bus tickets were solely in Chinese, I got the one English-speaking staff member at this hostel, to translate for me. Just so I know the difference between my gate number, my seat number, my bus number etc.
China can never be easy, can it? China can never be fucking easy.
When I bought my Guilin bus ticket back in the South bus station in Haikou, they even brought someone out from the back who spoke (terrible) English, to speak to me.
I couldn't understand everything that she was saying. But I do vividly remember her saying 'South bus terminal, 3 o'clock, gate 4'. And she scribbled something down onto my ticket in Chinese that I can't understand, although I could pick out '15:00' from this.
She even pointed me out to me gate four of this, the South bus terminal. And they crossed out the printed gate '1', and hand-wrote '4'.
When I get this person at my hostel to translate my ticket, it says 'passenger ferry terminal, 16:30.' And what has been scribbled at the top, has been done so in such a manner that even these native Chinese speakers can't understand it.
So... where the fuck am I supposed to go to catch my bus?
Do I go to where is printed on my ticket, and go to the passenger ferry terminal at 16:30? Or do I go to where the people in the bus station told me, and go to the South bus terminal at 15:00?
Why can nothing ever be easy China?
I've never missed a bus, I've never missed a train, I've never missed a flight, I've never missed a boat in my life. Never. But... where the fuck am I supposed to go to catch this bus?
And if I miss this one, then it is kind of a problem.
This is spring festival weekend. I will be homeless.
And this is spring festival weekend. I won't be able to get off this island.
All for the hassle of catching a bus, that I already have a ticket for.
So... where the fuck do I go to get my bus? Why China, why does everything have to be so fucking difficult with you?
I might sound like I'm complaining. That's because I am complaining. But this is why China is always so fucking exciting. Because it always has this edge.
And yes I'm complaining about it now. But you know, I'm going to fucking miss it when it's gone.
When I'm in boring Vietnam, that has English-speaking people, English-written signs, a steady flow of tourists, established tourist facilities... I'm going to fucking miss the shit that China puts you through.
Everything that happens here in China, it might not always be good. In fact, a lot of it is not good. But how many times have you heard me complain in China that I'm bored? How many times have I been cursing the lack of excitement in my life?
Well I have actually. But that was when I was plying established tourist trails like Beijing, Xian, Chengdu.
When I've actually taken the initiative to do something different from every Joe Whiteman that comes into this country, have you ever heard me complain that I'm bored?
My blood pressure is through the roof, I'm stressed out as Hell. But am I bored? Is my life unexciting?
Not in China. Not in fucking China. And having anxiety about something as simple as catching a bus that I already have a ticket for... I'm going to miss that non-stop excitement.
Once I get to boring Vietnam, I'll be lamenting that I'm not in China anymore. I know that I will.
Yes I'm complaining about it now. But make no mistake, the things that I said as I crossed the border here from Laos, they still reign as true as ever.
This is one exciting fucking country.
I don't know that I've met another white person who likes China. Because to everyone else, all the hassles and traumas that China besets on you, it's just too much.
These are the people who like the comfort of Laos. Who like the comfort of Thailand.
I might have complained, and I might have talked disparagingly more about China than any other place that I've been. But... I still fucking love this country.
It's like Lilach in a way (and she'll kill me if she ever reads this):
It stresses me out no end. But... I still can't help but love it. There's just something; it has that 'it' factor that makes me love it.
Lilach had that.
Out of every person that I've ever met in my life, she is the only one that I fell in love with.
China's the same. And it's kind of hard for me to explain why. But for all the bullshit China's put me through, and all the bullshit that I've written about, for some reason, it just has that it factor. And I still can't help but love China.
My life is exciting in China, you know? I don't fear that I'll get bored here. Although I often don't get up until midday, I'm excited to get out of bed in China. And I can't say that about every place in the world.
And in life, what more can you really ask for than that?
If you're motivated to get out of bed and start your day everyday, then what more can you ask for than that?
You have a life worth living, if you want to live it. And I... want to live in China. I don't know how everyday will go in China. It has that unpredictability. It has that excitement.
And maybe that's why I find myself loving it here.
The one thing that I never want for myself, is the knowledge of how every day will go before it's even started. That's not a good life to lead. Unpredictability is what keeps us alive. What keeps us motivated.
And you try predicting how a day will go in this weird country.
You try predicting how a day will go when you're with Lilach for that matter. Maybe that's why I'm struggling to get over her so much.
She made my life exciting.
But... I will miss this when it's gone. Make no mistake about that. However much I complain, make no mistake about that.
China's an exciting place. And what more can you want in your surroundings than that?
Security? Stability? Fuck that. Where's the fun in that?
I pick excitement everytime. And once I'm down in boring Vietnam, where when I have a ticket for a bus, I simply go to the bus station and get on a bus... I'm going to miss the dilemmas that stress me out today. I will definitely fucking miss this country when I'm gone.
Did I eat shark for breakfast today?
I don't know.
I pointed at the picture on a picture menu. And served on rice, was a fish of some kind that neither looked nor tasted like any that I've ever eaten before. And it matched the grey colour of the shark cut in half, that I saw back at that market in Nanning.
Did I eat shark for breakfast today?
That shit doesn't happen anywhere else. I never wondered in Laos what the food was that I was eating. And as I was skulling my breakfast down with water, without even chewing because the taste was so rancid, I might not have seemed to have been overly happy about that. But mark my words, I will miss that excitement.
When I know what every food on my plate is in Vietnam, I will miss that excitement.
By late afternoon today on this, my last day in Sanya, I got a bus (almost didn't bother because they were all showing up full) out to a different beach. And for the first time since getting here... I really liked this. It was a... nice place.
In truth, the only real difference from the beach that I went to yesterday, was that for some unjustifiable reason, I was in a better mood today.
It was still just sand and water.
But the mood of the people (some little kids came and practised their English on me which was quite fun), the beauty of the scenery... I just really liked it.
I don't know why. I'm just happy today. I can even be happy with sand up my ass surrounded by ugly people. And I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not.
I'm now going to be leaving Sanya, not harbouring absolute distain for it. Which is a good thing. But I'm also now kind of regretting that I'm going to be leaving so soon. And that's not a good thing. Because now I've got to add Sanya to the ever-growing list of places, that I've got to come back to.
What was it that Walt Disney said though? Always leave them wanting more.
If I leave here wanting to come back, then it means that I have positive memories of Sanya.
And if I have positive memories of Sanya... well good.
I might just come back here.
As I insinuated in a previous blog, visa requirements for Hainan differ from the requirements for the rest of China. And having done a little more research since then, I can get a Hainan visa by just showing up.
And what did I also say recently? Flights from Singapore to Haikou, £60 with Tiger Airways (and that was just the first flight I searched, perhaps that can be even cheaper)?
I might find myself back in Sanya again.
If I get a decent hostel. If I don't come here bang in the middle of the gay-ass spring festival. Then you know... I might just find myself liking this place afterall.
To be honest, I would doubt on this Asia trip. If anything, I have too much to see in the time I want to see it already. But to give you an insight into my brain very briefly, I look at the world in two different categories.
In the first category is the places in the world for work. Basically the places that will pay me the most:
Europe, North America, Australia, New Zealand.
And then the second category is the places in the world for travel. Basically the places that are cheapest to live:
Latin America, Asia, Africa, the Middle-East.
Retarded places like Russia don't feature on either list.
And well, seeing as my next stop to make money is likely to be Austrlia, or it could possibly be New Zealand, once I've made enough money and I don't want to work anymore, where am I going to go?
There's basically four places to choose from. And as much as I like to say 'what's the point in travelling if you just go to the same fucking places?' Asia's the nearest one to Australia. Asia's the nearest one to New Zealand. If I make enough money, then Asia to the Middle-East down to Africa is feasible.
I might be back in Asia again before too long.
I don't know yet. But I might be back in Asia again before too long.
And after enjoying the beach today, I am more than willing to give Sanya the opportunity to make up to me the whole debacle of this visit. Particularly when I don't even need a proper visa to come here.
And you know something that I am starting to feel?
I am starting to feel, that maybe it's time to settle down again.
Not immediately. But soon. Perhaps sooner than I was previously planning for.
With an approximate month remaining in each of Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia and Thailand, if I'm to stick to the plan that I have in my head, I've got another four months of living out of a backpack ahead of me before pressing on towards most likely Australia.
I'm not tired of the travelling. Not by any stretch of the imagination. But... living out of a backpack, living like this, it takes it out of you. Physically. And I'm not as young as I used to be.
I don't mean that I'm tired, I don't mean anything like that.
What I mean, is that it's a near impossibility when you do this, to adopt any kind of consistent diet. And you will find that McDonalds and KFC will often be all that is open to you. Particularly when you arrive somewhere at 11:30pm, and every other place is closed.
Your diet is shit when you travel. However hard I try to make sure that fruit and veg is an integral part of it.
And you can't exercise with any degree of consistency either.
Yes I could be doing more than I am doing (zero). But... it's not easy.
What do you do with a sweat-covered t-shirt if you go out for a run?
Wash it, you say. But you're leaving tomorrow, you really want to travel with a soaking wet t-shirt?
And where are you going to run anyway? You don't know this area, you've only got two days in this town as it is. You want to waste half of one going out for a run, then having to shower all over again, then having to hand-wash your running clothes? You'll have to hand-wash them again regardless because they'll be sat in your backpack all wet for so long anyway. But would you rather that they sit in there clean, or sit in there stinking of sweat? Making everything else stink?
So for this one run, you're going to have to hand-wash your clothes twice. And not to mention how much it's going to make your trainers stink. You're not going to be the most popular person in the dorm.
And should you not get some decent food inside you before going running? Do you really want to do it on an empty stomach? Where's a good place to get food around here?
You see what I'm getting at?
Yes, if you really, really dedicate yourself, you can get a degree of exercise whilst you're backpacking. I went to a gym back when I was in Vientiane. But to get any sort of consistency or routine going on, you will basically have to add an extra day onto every place that you visit. Which just isn't practical to do. So however much you can start a trip, determined that you're going to stay fit and carry on exercising... you won't. You absolutely won't.
So you're eating shit, and you're not exercising. And that takes its toll on your body.
You know what I attribute the increased pain that I've been suffering in my knee lately to?
I don't think that the injury has got any worse. Not at all.
What has been very, very noticeable to me, anytime that I step in front of a mirror in Asia, is that muscle on my whole body, from head to toe, has significantly atrophied.
I barely have shoulders anymore.
And that's a normal affect of travelling. Although the problem with Asia compared to other times that I've travelled, is that I didn't have very much muscle to start with this time.
But my left leg has been no exception to this decline. So the muscle surrounding my injury has inevitably depleted. And that is what I attribute the additional pain that I've been suffering to.
Can my body handle another four months of this?
And it's not just muscle loss. My heart rate is faster than it used to be (64bpm). Which is still well within healthy ranges. But still higher than it used to be, indicating a loss of fitness.
My circulation is definitely worse than it was as well.
I get a dead leg from sitting cross-legged a lot quicker than I used to do. My backpack will cut the blood supply from my arms, a lot quicker than it used to do.
To put it very simply, my health is rapidly, rapidly decreasing in Asia, in every way. And I don't see that there's too much that I'm going to do about it as long as I'm still living out of a backpack.
And it's not like I'm travelling Asia, any differently from how I have been other places in the world. If anything, my lifestyle here is much healthier than it was in South America. But... like I said, I'm not as young as I used to be. I was two years younger in South America. And I started off a lot fitter and healthier there as well.
I don't know if my body can handle another four months of this deterioration. I don't know if I want it to have to.
I could find myself in Australia much sooner than I'm currently planning.
Financially, I'm still ok. But like I've said in the past, I have a minimum figure in mind of how much money I want to my name when I do land in Australia. And I'm not there yet. But... I get closer everyday. Particularly after expensive endeavours such as Sanya. And it is a minimum figure. More is still better.
If I'm completely honest, I doubt that I'm going to leave Asia prematurely. I assume that I will be here for long enough to see all of Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos and Thailand that I want to see before moving on. But... how much can my body take? You know. How much permanent damage am I doing to myself by not having a healthy routine going on?
I think that if you asked a doctor (idiots), then he'd say that I'm a healthy person. But that's compared to other people.
I don't have the circulation that I had when I used to regularly run 8 miles. And when I cycled everywhere.
In fact, apart from climbing the occasional mountain, the only thing that I've done lately that actually made me out of breath, was the Xbox Kinect night that they had in my hostel in Dali. That was fucking well tiring.
Apart from that though, I do fuck-all cardiovascular exercise.
And I haven't lost that desire. If I found myself settled-down today, I'd be in the gym and running eight miles tomorrow. But... I'm not settled down. You know? And once I get down to the tropical climates of Thailand and Laos and Cambodia and Vietnam again, I'm going to have even less desire than I do today to exercise. Because the heat there alone is draining. You don't have to go out running to tire yourself out.
So it's on my mind.
As much as I'm enjoying this trip, and I am enjoying this trip.
It's probably not quite been South America. But... South America was incredible. And Lilach was there.
But I've loved Asia, I really have, and would be more than happy to travel like this for a long, long time. My body won't let me. I've got to face the reality that I'm not 21-years old anymore. And the most important thing for me to do the next time I do have any semblance of routine, is pound my body back into the shape that I was in, in 2008 before I flew to Canada.
The three-mile hard cycle, just to get to the gym every morning. Then the hour of cardio and two hours of weights. Then the torture of sauna, cold shower, steam room, cold shower, sauna, cold shower etc etc. Then the three-mile cycle home again. Then the cycle to the supermarket. Then the cycle back from the supermarket. Then the 8-mile run in the evenings.
It wasn't everyday. But the gym six-times per week was normal. The 8-mile run probably three or four. That was my life before took my backpack and left in 2008. Read over some of the Retro blogs if you don't believe me. And I was in such ridiculously fantastic shape, that almost four years of abuse later, and I'm still losing muscle that I built up back then.
If I could have a year though. If I could have just a year, to pound myself back into that shape again, then I could get back on the road, and there would be nothing that I couldn't handle.
As it is... my body's fucked right now. It really is.
I'm my biggest admirer, and even I don't like what I see when I look in the mirror. My fitness has plummeted, my muscle is non-existent, my heart-rate is fast, my circulation is poor.
Do I want four more months of abuse before having a chance to really remedy that?
We'll see I guess. I'm thinking it over is all. I could easily come straight back to Asia after working in Australia to finish what I miss now. So I'm thinking it over is all I'm saying.
Could maybe throw-in a quick visit to Sanya whilst I'm at it. Because just a couple of pleasant hours sat on the beach this afternoon has turned my opinion about this God-forsaken place.
Well... as much as I'll miss it when it's gone, I have a cunt of a day tomorrow, because I don't even know which fucking bus station to go to. And although I'm optimistic that I will somehow get my bus, I anticipate a lot of stress and frustration until I do.
I'll be leaving my hostel about 6am tomorrow morning. I expect to make it into Guilin somewhere between 3am and 9am the next day. And from there I have to get to Yangshuo. Without a ticket. On spring festival weekend.
Could be an interesting day.
And when it does all go tits-up, I will rant and curse about it in this blog. But make no mistake, although my inappropriate and racist comments might sound like I hate this fucking country and wish that I was in any other place in the world... it really is just all compliments. Because the more pissed of something makes me, the less bored I am. It's just how I show affection.
And being exciting, in my opinion, is about one of the most complimentary things you can say about something.
Even if it is not always excitement with a smile, I am going to miss this fucking country when I'm gone.
You can't live with China, you can't live without it.
I am never bored here. And what more can I ask for? Really?