You know, I hadn't... actually clicked, that the day before Chinese new year started, would be Chinese new years eve.
Alright, I know that sounds a bit fucking stupid of me. But new year here isn't like new year at home, when there's just that one moment of ectasy (midnight). It goes on for a whole week for fucks sake. Two weeks in some areas. So I hadn't really clicked that midnight on the 22nd/23rd January, would be a big deal.
Turns out that it is. And I found that out when I went into the town at probably 9pm for dinner. The place was banging.
By Chinese standards, it was a little risqué. I could see from the outside that bars had girls pole dancing in.
Still wearing clothes. But for a country where strip clubs and pornography are illegal, it was still pretty hardcore.
And so after my veggie burger, I head back to the hostel because for one, I don't have the code for the gate to get back in if I stay out so late that everyone has gone to bed when I do. And two, maybe I can get some people from the hostel to come out partying. Might make it a better night than partying... by myself.
I seemed to be staying at a hostel though, of the most boring people in the world, ever.
How many times in my life, am I going to be in China, for Chinese new year?
That was how my mind was working. I'm not going to go to bed early, because I'm tired. Or because I've got things to do tomorrow. But... fuck me there were some boring fuckers here. Who also were in China for their only Chinese new year. But they were a little too tired to go out. They'd rather get an early night on this, their only ever Chinese new year.
Fuck it then.
I don't care if I've got to go out by myself.
Sometimes those nights that you just expect to be shit, just somehow work out to be the best that you ever have. So if I go out, maybe it won't be great. Maybe it will be me, sat in a bar by myself. Perving on the only pole dancer in China. Or maybe... just maybe, I could end up having one of those nights, that I just remember forever.
Maybe...
Turns out it was shit.
I'd hung around the hostel for a little while. Because the staff and a couple of guests were having their own, low-key celebrations. Which involved tea and some kind of tea god that you had to pour the tea over.
Looked just like a rock to me. But apparently it was a god.
So I hung around at this for a while. Because everyone there was really nice and friendly. And they'd given me a free beer. But in time to get back there for midnight, I head into the town.
Well the bar that I'd seen with the pole-dancing, had about three people left in it by now. A few others bars were banging, but by this time, there was only white people left in them. And they were charging up to about £5 for a fucking beer. £5 for a fucking beer. I'm not paying £5 for a fucking beer. If I wanted to pay £5 for a fucking beer, I'd stay in London. But each beer costs the equivilant of two nights accomodation at where I'm staying... I'm not paying £5 for a fucking beer.
So I ended up not going into any bar.
Fireworks had been going on for hours already by now. But midnight was indicated to me when the whole place just exploded. It could have been mistaken for an urban war zone the amount of banging and flashing taking place.
The air of this town became so filled with smoke that it was actually a little hard to breathe. So... that was the start of my Chinese new year. I was by myself walking the streets looking for a bar to charge me a normal price for beer.
"Happy new year!"
One thing that I couldn't help thinking, is that in this, a communist country, governed no less by the Chinese Communist "Party"... could they not organise something a bit better than a few fireworks? Is that really all they could come up with?
They have the chance to make a party, for 1.4 billion people. 1.4 billion people. The biggest party in history, as the entire country celebrates the Chinese new year. And all they can come up with is a load of fireworks?
What a fucking rave it could be if they got some decent music, got everyone shit-faced, and had some strippers or something.
But instead, just fireworks. Really?
You're organising a party for 1.4 billion people, and fireworks is what you come up with.
The Chinese Communist... Party! You need to take your name a little more literally.
They don't drink here, they don't have strippers, they don't have fun. They just... blow shit up.
Anything to do with fire or explosion, that seems to be how Chinese people celebrate.
And isn't there stupid theories out there that if every Chinese person all jumped at the same time, then the earth would be sent spiralling towards the sun or something?
I know from Lonely Planet that there's a book called 'When a Billion Chinese Jump' by Jonathan Watts. Don't know what it's about, but presumably something like that.
Well... seeing as all at once, 1.4 billion Chinese people all set off hundreds and hundreds of fireworks and firecrackes at midnight on new year every year, I can't help but hypothesise that this is a load of bullshit.
If all these fireworks didn't send us spiralling towards the sun, then I struggle to believe that everyone jumping will have much of an affect either.
But what do I know?
It wasn't the best new years eve ever. Mainly because I didn't realise that it was new years eve until about 9pm. But how the fuck was I supposed to know? When the celebration lasts for a week, who gives a fuck about that first moment?
Well everyone, apparently.
So the next day, new years day, I come downstairs in the morning.
After a spring festival dinner the night before that I had neglected to be a part of (it was £3 to join, and I forgot about it until it was too late anyway), there were a load of unopen beers left-over.
Probably wasn't supposed to just help myself. But... I'm sure that the hostel had already been paid for them by the people that did partake in the dinner. And if they didn't want them, then it's like they left them on the table, as a donation to me really.
It'd be stupid to waste them.
I'd spent until about 3am just drinking free beer by myself sat in front of the computers that they have downstairs. So for the first time in a long, long time, I wake up to something of a hangover.
How I don't know. Because I didn't drink that fucking much. But I'm getting old. I've got to get used to it I suppose. But when I do finally emerge, I go downstairs, and the sky's still leaking so I say to one of the people working here, "still raining, huh?"
"Yes," he responds, "it's forecast to be raining for the next ten days."
Great. Thanks. So glad that I'm here.
So don't go expecting too many beautiful photos of Yangshuo. Because whilst I'm here, it's going to be raining. All the time.
I had by then, and have since really grown to like this town though. It's almost like a poor imitation Dali. Which was of course where I was initially planning on spending the Chinese new year. So the fact that it is more expensive here, it cost me a fortune to get to, it's cold, and it's raining all the time, doesn't exactly comfort me when I could be swinging on my chair in the sunny garden of my Dali hostel right now.
However ridding that from my mind, in its own right, I have grown to really like Yangshuo.
Perhaps it's just their festive spirit, I don't know. But the people here are really happy and friendly all the time. In the town in general, but particularly those working in my hostel. Even though it's raining everyday. And when you see nothing by smiles all day, that can be kind of infectious.
And I've also found this little side-street, not too far from West Street which is the main tourist strip, although for some reason, very few people go down this little side-street.
And what it is, is just a street where on both sides, are all these cute little restaurants.
Very small places, each one only has around four tables in. But I went down every place on this street checking out every menu. And each one has an extensive menu of both Chinese and Western food, all cheaper than I'd expect to pay anywhere else in China. And I've found China to be a place very much where you get what you pay for.
And yet, I've eaten four times at restaurants down this street now. And every single thing that I've ordered, has been this immaculately made, big, home-cooked meal.
I'm basically working around all the veggie burgers on this street.
But everything is home-made from scratch. The fries that come with them are just cut from potatoes. The veggie burger patties are made from scratch. And for cheaper than I've seen anywhere else in China, on this one street, I'm just getting all this amazing, amazing home-cooked food. It's really, really good. No matter which of the restaurants that I go to.
And like I say, no one else seems to really go down here for some reason. But just for the fact that I'm eating healthier, tastier, cheaper food than I've eaten at any other point in China... I love it here.
Yangshuo has basically become a veggie burger marathon. This could be called the veggie burger capital of the world, which is not something that I ever thought that I'd be able to say about a city in China. But the food in this city, or the food on this one street at least, it's absolutely fucking delightful. And I've fallen in love with this city for that reason, and that reason alone.
It doesn't hurt that the people in my hostel are all so nice and friendly all the time. And basically my life in Yangshuo, is I'll leave the hostel a couple of times per day to make the ten minute walk down to this street. I'll get another veggie burger, or if I'm feeling adventurous, a tuna sandwich. And then I'll go back to my hostel, where everyone is always smiling.
It's not a bad life. I've actually grown to really love this city. And I will be staying here for the six nights that I initially planned. That is guaranteed now, as I bought a Yangshuo to Nanning bus ticket for the 27th this morning.
Could still make a day visit to Guilin if I really want to. But I'm just happy in this city. Just existing.
And one way that Yangshuo has out-done not only Dali, but every other place in China, is that the food in this city is amazing.
It's not remotely authentic. I've been picking Western items off the menu. But... that doesn't mean that it's not fucking good. And when your stomach's happy...
So yesterday (new years day) with my mild hangover, I'm heading into the town for my breakfast veggie burger. And I'd heard in just about every town that I've been to in China, that they do weird dragon dances on new years day.
I don't know the symbolic reasons for it. I'm sure that people will tell you that it brings them luck. I'm sure that the real reason is they just like to see people make twats of themselves in dragon costumes.
But I thought that I'd watch these dragons dancing like idiots for a while. And basically what they were doing, was working their way down every single business on West Street. And outside each one, they spent about five minutes dancing.
Alright.
That's fine and everything. I've got no problem with them doing a stupid dance to some small business man. Bring him some luck for the coming year. But this street includes a KFC.
And when the dragons make it to KFC, not only do they dance outside, but they go through the double doors, and start dancing around in among all the table, as people are trying to sit there and eat their zinger tower burgers.
Something just didn't seem right about that to me.
This is a KFC. And there's Chinese dragons dancing around inside. Because... KFC is such a prominent Chinese symbol?
They do love their KFC in this country. They're all over the place. In every major city. But it's about as prominent a symbol of Americanism as you're going to find. And you're using your symbollic dragons to... dance in KFC?
Just seemed a bit fucked up to me.
I'm sure that whatever purpose the dragons apparently serve, it's not necessarily designed to be lavished onto the likes of KFC.
Although in saying that, someone who the dragons were with, did get handed an anonymous bag before they left. So maybe they did a dance in exchange for a... chicken wrap or something. I don't know. It just didn't seem so right.
That seemed to be about as exciting as new years day got though.
There was a lot of people out on the streets, sure. But the only thing that seemed to differentiate this day from any other, was the dragons dancing around at KFC. Other than that, it seemed a pretty standard day in Yangshuo. So not the most exciting, although with excellent food.
I do really like Yangshuo now. Although I'm not going to hide from the fact, that I am censoring myself to it somewhat.
I haven't been to and have little desire to go to the market here where they're skinning dogs. I try and look the other way through all acts on animal cruelty that I see on the street. I'm kind of doing what every other person in this town seems to be doing, and looking at everything at face value.
Just look at the things that the tourists are supposed to see and this is a lovely town.
I have no desire to look behind the curtain and see what's really going on.
I'm fairly confident, that somewhere in this town, there's dog's being skinned alive. Even written on English menus I've seen dog dishes in restaurants. But I don't need to see a dog being skinned. I don't need that image in my brain.
I was thinking actually, if you're a dog, where in the world is there worse to end up than Yangshuo?
Most likely you're going to get killed, skinned and eaten.
That's your most likely fate if you do end up in Yangshuo.
In the event that you somehow survive, fireworks and bangers seem to go off in this town, just almost non-stop. So you're going to spend your entire life shit-scared of all the bangs and flashing lights.
If you're a dog and you find yourself in Yangshuo, just... run. Get the fuck out of here.
Yangshuo is to dogs what Big Tiger is to a Thai convict. It's just a guaranteed life-sentence for a dog.
Most likely they're going to tie you in a bag and throw you into the luggage hold of a bus. You'll suffer for a few hours, before they'll let you out just to take your skin off and eat you.
Dog certainly isn't man's best friend in this part of the world, is all I can say.
Well like I said a second ago, I can now guarantee that I will be in Yangshuo until the 27th. My bus from here is already booked and paid for. I did so this morning. In the middle of spring festival. Without any fucking problem whatsoever.
Because I have grown to like the false impression that I've allowed myself to garner of this city.
As far as I'm concerned of Yangshuo, there's a lovely hostel where the staff are eternally friendly. There's a lovely street with some of the cheapest and best home-cooked food that I've found anywhere in China. Or the world. And despite the lack of sunlight, this is an incredibly beautifully-scened town. It's built, almost in between mountains. Sheer cliffs line the city in places.
Were the skies a bit happier, it would make for some incredible photographs. As it is they come out a bit shit. But it's still quite stunning to look at.
And that is the impression of Yangshuo I've made for myself.
As far as I'm concerned, there is no barbaric night market here. There is no skinning of dogs.
No, Yangshuo is just a town of happy people, mountains, and veggie burgers. And as far as I'm concerned, I'm more than happy to keep it that way.
Next stop, Nanning again. And a week from today, I will be in Vietnam.
I should get one of those t-shirts made. "I survived China."