The best thing about Paraguay? It's not Argentina!
You know that feeling when you wake-up knowing that your day is going to be shit? I suppose that's how it feels to have a job. Well that was my last day in Argentina.
For some reason in retard-Argentina, the only buses that they provide from Resistencia to Asuncion, come bang in the middle of the night. That despite it being just a 5-hour journey, and there's a one-hour time-difference between Paraguay and Argentina (essentially making it a 4-hour journey). So I wake up for my final day in Argentina, already having a bus ticket for 1:15am that night and having already done... basically everything in boring Resistencia and knowing that I have to check-out of my hotel by midday.
So the plan for my day went something like this:
Having already done everything that I wanted to do in the very limited appeal of Resistencia, this was literally my plan for my last day in Argentina. And you know something? Give or take half an hour here and there, that's exactly how it went. Fucking Hell I was happy to be rid of Argentina.
When I think back, I suppose that it wasn't completely shit. I liked BA. Rosario and Cordoba were ok too. As was Cafayate. The rest of Argentina is shit though. Hands-down the worst country that I've been to in South America. I wasn't shedding any tears to see the back of her.
And so... Paraguay baby.
Seeing as I was just... sitting in the bus station for a while when I first arrived (thanks a lot Argentina), I had a lot of time to just people-watch. That was kind of nice. And the first thing that jumps out at you?
The fucking shoe-shine boys are back! I missed those fuckers. They're everywhere in Bolivia. But Argentina... Argentina's too good for shoe-shine boys. There's a whole fucking posse of them patrolling the Asuncion bus station though. Even at 6am. Already Paraguay was looking more like Bolivia. And that's never a bad thing.
You know what the next thing was that I noticed? Virtually no one here smokes. Finally.
You couldn't walk down the fucking street in Argentina without getting gassed by those fuckers. Like it was some fucking mass-suicide or something. Not that I can blame them. I'd want to kill myself if I was Argentinian too. But all of a sudden... smell it. Clean air!
The first negative for Paraguay, was that everyone here is drinking their retard-mate. Mate being this retard-drink for retards and hippies, that you drink out of a retard-mug using a retard metal-straw.
Every fucker in Paraguay is drinking this fucking retard-juice.
It's like coffee. But just slightly less-retarded.
Ah and then it came to changing money. The Paraguayan currency is the 'Guarani'. In my pocket I had 105 Argentinian pesos. That's just slightly over US$25. So take a guess at how many guarani I got for my 105 pesos.
That's right, you've guess it. 117,600.
US$1 = 4,750 Guarani.
I haven't sat down to work out quite how many times I'm a millionaire in this country. But it's even fucking worse than Colombia. A Burger King will cost you about 25,000. So you'd better like working with big numbers.
Eventually after a lot of not doing anything, it was finally time that I could go to a hostel. And I had planned on getting a bus. But... fuck it. After the day that I'd just had, figuring out the fucking buses was more than I cared to do. I just wanted to fucking sleep. And anyone who knows what I'm like when I'm short on sleep... it's better to just let me sleep. So I got a cab.
You know the next great improvement on Argentina? The people here don't talk like massive twats.
I spent a fucking Bolivian fortune on Spanish lessons in Sucre. But the second that I get to Argentina, they all talk like such fucking dicks that I don't have a fucking clue what's going on. I can't understand a fucking word that's being said, my confidence gets shattered, and what should have been a time that I was striving to improve on what I'd just learned, actually turned into a time where I basically didn't speak any Spanish. Because anytime that I did, I didn't know what the fuck was going on. Because they all sound like twats.
I get into the taxi and I start talking to the taxi-driver, in Spanish. And one of the first things that he says to me?
"You speak very good Spanish!"
He was lying. But fuck I was still glad to be in a country where I can actually fucking communicate. God-bless Paraguay. It turns out that I'm not a retard that didn't learn any Spanish. It just turns out that all of Argentina is completely retarded. I knew it!
For three months now (with the exception of one night), me and Lilach had got double-rooms everywhere that we've been. The price of two people in a room differs very little from getting a dorm bed. And there's obvious advantages of having your own space, so it's worth that little extra green.
Unfortunately, single-rooms aren't quite so close to dormitory prices. So I knew that as soon as we split I'd once again be getting immersed into dormitory life. A trial which was delayed in Resistencia quite simply for the reason that there aren't any hostels there. I'd got myself a dirt-cheap hotel room with a double-bed and private bathroom, and everything is cushte.
Unfortunately my arrival in Paraguay coincided with my return to dormitory living. Something that I used to quite like. Well, as it turns out, I haven't actually missed it at all.
For three months I've fallen asleep holding onto a beautiful Israeli girl that I'm in love with. And now I'm sharing a cramped room with seven other guys, seemingly having some kind of flatulance issues. How the mighty have fallen.
I can't even take stuff out of my backpack because of space limitations and security issues. So to all those people that I previously told to that I like living in dorms and wouldn't have taken a private-room even if I could afford it... I was lying. This is shit. I don't want to fucking meet people and all these people keep on fucking talking to me. Basically having the same conversation that I've had with about 50,000 other people.
"Where are you from, where have you been, how long have you been travelling for, oh that's a really long time..."
I just want to fucking be left alone. Go and fucking annoy someone else you stupid Koreans.
There seems to be a lot of Brazilians in Paraguay. They weren't anywhere else that I've been in South America, but there's a fucking butt-load of them in Paraguay. And I don't know why, but I've always had a soft-spot for Brazilians. Possibly because I used to work with a Brazillian girl who was really, really, really hot. But I always wanted to visit Brazil when I was younger (maybe because I was assuming that all girls looked like her. Kind of like how I was hoping that all of Colombia looked like Shakira). That all changed though when I saw how retardedly expensive it was. But for some reason there's loads of Brazilians here. Which is great. The one race that won't help me improve my Spanish. But they all seem nice. I can see why everyone says that Brazil's fun. And much better than Argentina.
Well at this point, Paraguay was doing pretty well. It was no Bolivia, but who is? But following Argentina, it just had to not be completely shit and I was going to like it. Paraguay significantly dropped on the retard-list the second I tried to get any money though.
At every ATM... every ATM, including HSBC, and they like me, there's a 25,000 guarani (US$5) charge to withdraw money. What the fuck is that all about?
One of the fucking reasons that I came to this country was that behind Bolivia, it's supposed to be the poorest in South America. So, one would assume, also the second-cheapest. So what the fuck is the fucking deal with charging me fucking 25,000 guarani to get to my fucking money?
In not one other country in South America that I've been to have I had to pay a penny to get to my money. Not a penny. And now in Paraguay they want to charge 25,000 guarani just to make a fucking withdrawal.
Paraguay's retard-rating got a lot higher with that one. Not Argentina-high obviously. But... that's not cool!
It was a sunny day after my sleep, so I tried to look past this retarded 25,000 guarani thing to get out and enjoy Asuncion. And... well I really like it.
This is a photographers dream. There's a butt-load of pretty things to take photos of. Lilach would have loved it if it wasn't for the whole hating Israeli's thing.
It's not La Paz. I was hoping that being a poor country, it would be like La Paz. It's not like La Paz. And one of the first things that I came across, bang in the centre of the city, is a British shop, aptly decorated in union Jack's and selling supposedly British (expensive) clothing. You certainly wouldn't have found that in La Paz. It wasn't going to be the Bolivia clone that I was hoping for.
I took to it though. Despite the ATM's and the retards drinking mate, I took to Asuncion. I really liked it. But it did have that feeling of a city on edge. Almost in the city centre (down by the river), is the city's slums. Or at least some of them. And it was bizarre that I could be taking a picture of a... fucking palace or some kind of majestic building. I don't know what it was. But standing on the same spot and then swiveling 180°, I could then be photographing the slums.
Similarly (and very obviously), there were people by the hundreds, living in one of the main plazas. I walked by there as darkness was approaching. And set-up were very innovative tents of sort (or other creations designed for sleeping). Made of things that one might find on the street. And people had set-up fires to sit around.
What was instantly obvious, is that there is a huge rich/poor divide here. Unlike Bolivia, where everyone is quite poor. Here you're either rich, or your very poor. And this was re-enforced by the fact that there was no transition between the nice areas and the shit areas of the city. Cross a street and you went from a wealthy sector to a poor sector. There was no in between.
That was why I quoted it as a city on edge. Even in the daytime here, muggings apparently happen. And on Sundays (when the city is desserted), I hear that it's not safe to even be out on the streets. I think that Lonely Planet told me that as well, and my normal response to that kind of thing is that Lonely Planet are a bunch of fucking pussys. Because every fucking city that I've been to in South America they've seemingly written that it's unsafe. And not have I had a single problem. But this time... you can just see that this city could turn in an instant.
Take a wrong turning or end up in the wrong area (as I did yesterday), and this city may no longer be nice, friendly Asuncion. It's just got that edge-factor about it, that wherever you are it could get spicy.
So far so good though. I like it. The police were even talking to me yesterday. Asking me where it was that I was from, bantering with me a little about having long-blonde hair, just being friendly.
I suppose that it's possible that they were talking to me to try and suss out if I was some kind of twat, but if they were, they were doing it in a friendly way. So far I really like this place.
That being said, there doesn't seem to be too much more to do here in Asuncion. My hostel is grossly overpriced, so the plan was to be leaving Asuncion today, perhaps for Ciudad del Este. But it was when I got back from my little sight-seeing tour a couple of days ago that I got online for my first-time in Paraguay. And that was when I found out the news about my passing grandmother.
Until I know whether or not I'm going home (and I still haven't been able to decide conclusively), Asuncion is the place that I have to be. Because this is obviously where the airport is. So whilst I'm determining that, I'm tied to Asuncion.
Regarding that issue... I still don't know.
Going home? Most likely. Possibly not. But what's killing me is that I don't have a fucking clue what I'm going to do when I get there. Am I coming straight back out here? Am I staying home for the Summer? Am I staying home for half the Summer, then coming back out here? Am I going to fly out to somewhere else? I haven't got a fucking clue. Because I don't have a fucking clue what's in store for me after the Summer. And I won't know until I find out about this job or not (and the visa). So I'm kind of going to have to make a blind decision.
The main reason that I have to know, is that in this, the peak of the British holiday season, a return-flight to Paraguay will be cheaper than two singles. And I don't want to waste that money if I do decide to come back out. And plus, just for me, if this is a final farewell to South America then I kind of want to know that. I want to know that I won't be seeing a life like this in a while. So what the fuck do I do?
I suppose that the best thing: Go home on a one-way ticket. Stay there. See where I am come September. Have I got a Summer job? Have I got this job in Utah? Do I need to be home to get the visa? Do I need to be home to get insurance? And then if the circumstances call for it, fly back out again. Perhaps to Paraguay and hope that flying in September instead of August will offset the savings I would have made had a bought a return-ticket in the first place. Perhaps somewhere else. I don't fucking know.
This is a fun task of trying to make a decision with... none of the information available to you.
I kind of didn't expect to be saying this so soon, but realistically speaking, this could be the last blog that I write in South America. At least for the time-being. I could be home in a matter of days. Now that's not something that I expected to be saying so soon. It's kind of a head-fuck.
Three-days ago I was planning all the places that I would be going in Bolivia. Perhaps taking pumas out for a walk in the morning at the big-cat sanctuary. And now... I don't even know if I'll be in this continent in a week. My brain is frying. I don't know what the fuck to do.